Revelations Revealed

So the new year 2009 is coming up. I took Pastor Stephen's advice on contemplating on year 2008. Very surprisingly, I found revelations that I never imagined before, and because of them, things are starting to make sense, but at the same time, new questions are popping up.

In general, year 2008 stunk. I even went deeper into 2007 (because I haven't thought about that year deeply enough) and had to say that that year stunk too. There were obviously good and exciting times (college acceptance, retreats, etc), but overall, it really did stink. I mean, I knew that at moments in those years, things were going bad. But little did I realize that it was going bad MOST of the times.

I realized that I didn't really give God credit to anything-- good times or bad. I didn't notice that God was in control in every aspect of my life. So instead, I took my own initiatives. I made my own decisions. Because of them, I think I hurt myself in the process. I lost myself in the world, and in most of the times, I forgot God. I forgot that He was still there with me. I gave Him the kick every time He tried to enter my life; most of the times, I rejected Him.

To be specific, I'll give examples:
1) To be honest, I didn't pray much at all about my college choices. I might've been accepted into Oxford College, but at the moment, I have no idea if Oxford College is where God wants me to go. I don't even know if finance is the major God wants me to pursue in.
2) I actually wanted to go to Oxford College because I wanted a new beginning, away from NYC. Georgia was far away enough from NYC, where I've been living my whole entire life. I've been hurt and suffered enough (in my opinion), so I wanted to move away, from my troubles. I'll visit during vacations, so technically I won't be completely reclusive from home.
3) Another reason why I wanted to go away was because I noticed that I didn't fit in with anyone. I mean, I do have certain friends in school and church and all, but to be honest, sometimes I feel awkward. In church, everyone's younger or older than me. In school, the relationships I have with other believers is at most respectable. I have non-believing friends too, but there's a gap between us, mostly because I'm known as the "religious dude" or whatever. So I thought by starting a new beginning, things might change for me.
4) I didn't pray much for my family, whose been through so much these past two years. Maybe that's why my family is struggling mightily with God. I don't know.
5) I might've experienced true freedom if it wasn't for my struggling walk with God. I'm wrestling with lust, STILL. I hate it, yet my flesh loves it. I don't understand, sometimes.

I'm glad that I went to Discipleship 2, since I really did retreat from my life for a short period of time and got the chance to reflect, contemplate, and get things straight. Now new questions arise. What's God's plan for me? Is Oxford really the college God wants me to attend? Can I be used by God? Man. Things opened up to me, and I'm ready to fix them. Not by myself this time, but with the mighty hand of God.

YESSSSS

YESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words can't explain how happy I feel right now! Thank You, God!
I just got accepted into Oxford College, one of the two colleges one can go to in Emory University. I'm SET!

COLLEGE

Oh wow.

My friends who applied to Dartmouth, Cornell, and Columbia got their results. Some got in; others didn't. Those who got in cried with joy; those who didn't cried with grief. Man. So many seniors in my school have their lives ingrained in college applications right now.


I'm feeling the pressure. O_O

I can only say, "God, do Your will." I don't care where I go to, honestly. As long as it's in God's path.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ok ok... YAY IT'S THANKSGIVING!

I'm thankful...
1) That I'm living, alive and well.
2) For my family.
3) For my friends.
4) For God's forgiveness, grace, and mercy, which are everlasting!
5) For His word.
6) For education.
7) For college opportunities.
8) For shelter.
9) For my gifts from above.
10) For Jesus Christ!!

Yay =]
What are you thankful for?

Doing college apps up late
Had a great Seekers meeting
Feeling like a hypocrite
Confused
Wondering about the future
Looking at my messy desk
Hoping to sleep soon
Praying for a miracle

Surrender

Listening to:
Surrender by Planetshakers

All that I am is Yours
All that I have is Yours
I give You my heart and soul
Lord, I'm Yours.

Lord, every day is Yours
Lord, every breath is Yours
Giving my life to You
Lord, I'm Yours.

You alone are worthy of all praise
You alone are worthy of all praise

I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You
I am nothing without You
Jesus Christ, take my life
It's all for You!

You're worthy of all praise
You're worthy of all praise

THIS is my prayer.
Jesus, take my life; it's all for You!

His Return

I was reading the Bible for QT today when I came across these verses:

But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up. Therefore, since all these things will be dissolved, what manner of persons ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be dissolved, being on fire, and the elements will melt with fervent heat? Nevertheless, we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells.
-2 Peter 3:10-13

What a reminder for me. Christ can come anytime soon, and if I'm not living for God in holiness, who knows what can happen. I need to look ahead, and really act in accordance to God's will.

God, motivate me.

Death

My relatives came by last Sunday, which was the day when I wasn't able to go to church. We ate, had fun, and overall hung out. Then they left.

The next day, I heard that my grandma (well, she's my mom's cousin's mother) passed away. I didn't even know her much at all. I remember my last visit to a hospital care center in which she resided, and for all that I know, she didn't even recognize me. Her poor and incapacitated memory must have been the cause of that. My mom tried to explain who I was; my grandma understood, but I knew that I was not familiar to her. So although I didn't know her well, since I was part of the family tree, I went to her funeral, which occurred today.

Wearing everything black, I attended the funeral in a remorse yet indifferent manner. The first thing I noticed when I entered the funeral was that the coffin was opened, so I actually saw my grandma. I was utterly shocked, not expecting to see a dead body before my eyes. I asked my brother if that was normal, and he simply said, "I don't know", but I saw that he had the same reaction as I did.

It was a Catholic funeral. Everyone who attended the funeral received a book. I first thought it was a song book, but it was actually a prayer book, filled with prayers that were sung. The Catholic pastor (priest?) came up, and we started to recite and actually chant EVERYTHING in that book. And that book was about 70 pages. My brother and I kept trying to predict at what page would the recitation stop; we should have guessed the end. As this was going on, I noticed how ritualistic all of this was. They were chanting prayers in a monotonous way, which just revealed to me how none of these prayers were coming from the heart. Also, they were praising all of the saints that they could possibly think of, ranging from Mary to Mother Teresa. Inside, I shook my head and simply moved on.

After this, the "priest" spoke a short sermon on God's love. Continuing on with his monotonous voice, he droned on, talking about how my grandma was a good person and how we all should live this life in a simple, and ordinary way, which is to love God. (Sarcastically) Wow; what a sermon. He was convinced that my grandma went to heaven, but I really don't know. She was a Catholic, and I wasn't sure whether she was actually in heaven or not.

At the end of the funeral, we all had to come up and just give our respects to her. People went up to the coffin, prayed short prayers, and patted her. I didn't want to do that; I was still confused about what previously happened in the funeral. As the line grew shorter and my turn came faster, God gave me a vague revelation. Life is short. Although my grandma may have lived 94 years, eternity is way longer. So as I was still confused of whether she went to heaven or not, my family went up, and gave our respects. I looked at the body that was right before me, and shuddered. The way my grandma passed away was peaceful, but death itself is certainly not. I simply prayed, "Let Your will be done", and gave hugs and shook hands with my uncle, aunt, and my cousins.

This was my first funeral. I can see that God is trying to implant eternity in my heart.

Interesting

Oh man.
Lots of things happened this week that I just want to write about.

Well first off, Seekers had "See You at the Pole" last Wednesday. I was hardly ready for it; I simply knew that it was coming, and I didn't really prepare for it. However, on the day before this event, Will (President #1 of Seekers)told me that I was going to lead a sector of prayer, which was suffering. Interestingly, I read 1 Peter 1 as my daily devotion, which was all about dealing with suffering in our lives (this chapter was used in our latest retreat, remember?). So I was pumped for the upcoming day.
"See You at the Pole" came. And it went. I didn't even have much time to do my part of the prayer; I was pretty much rushed. And overall, prayer was taken lightly by everyone who came. There weren't even many people there. I prayed that God would move in our hearts to pray as His people, but even I was not able to, mainly because I was extremely tired. I was disappointed at the outcome of the event, and even myself. Something held me back to pray.

Sigh.

College stuff.
SATs.
W/e. I can't take these things too seriously, because I know eternity waits. I pray that eternity would weigh a heavier burden than all of these things in the world.

See You at the Pole!

It's tomorrow!
Gather up, Christians, for we believe in the power of prayer amen?
Let's just lift everything and anything we can to God, most importantly God Himself!

War

I am currently losing a war against Satan. I just noticed that I was at war with Satan the whole time...
Must stand... fight... win...
To do so, I got to stay focused on Jesus Christ. I think I might have forgotten the greatness and holiness of Him, and His sacrifice for me.
Must come to the cross... humbly and with a heart that has repented...
How to overcome the flesh? Just how? It's hard.. really hard..
It's not like God is going to deliver me in a flash; I got to put some effort, a real, vehement effort.
I can do this.

A Surprise

Hey; it's been a while since I posted something... a lot has been happening, I guess..
School is about to start, and I am certainly not ready to begin another school year. College, especially, is stressing me out... Oh what to do...

Anyways, I needed help in other things in my life, and needed some answers and advice. I vaguely insinuated this in AIM, hoping for someone to help me out, and who comes to my rescue?! My friend, who currently lives in New Jersey and has been my friend since junior high school (I think). I haven't talked to him in a while, yet he responded. He asked me what was wrong, and I was a bit surprised, but glad that he actually bothered to ask me. So I told him what was up, and he gave me advice here and there that really did help me out. I thank him for actually caring. Really. Even old-time friends help each other out in the long run. Thank you. And thank you, God, for even introducing me to him long time ago.

At the end of the conversation, I asked him to pray for me, and he gladly said he would. Then, in turn, I asked if he needed some sort of prayer himself, and he said he did. He told me his request, and I gladly told him that I would pray for him. This, in turn, helped me to remember a command that God gave to us: to carry each others' burdens. And that's what we're exactly doing. I'm just loving how God answers in the bleakest times,when I can't seem to focus on Him, and how He is guiding me and reminding me of certain things that I should follow in my life, especially the cross of Christ. Praise God!

Ripe Opportunities

Today's (Sunday's) sermon was, in fact, a very important message that I needed to hear again. I guess I have forgotten what my purpose in life was, and the message reminded me of that purpose: to do the will of God, which is to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. After hearing this message, I wondered if I would be able to seize opportunities to evangelize today (for everyday is filled with opportunities), and went back home.

When I went home, it struck me that my relatives were going to go back to Korea. They stayed for a month, and that went by pretty quickly, so I was taken aback by how fast time flew. My family and my relatives ate dinner for the last time, and my relatives packed up their stuff and were ready to go. When we arrived at the airport, we did the usual: checking in, dropping baggage. We had a good amount of time to spare, so we decided to chill at the food court.

So at one point, I had to use the bathroom. I went in one, but a man was cleaning it, so I had to find another one. Suddenly, I see another person around my age looking for a bathroom as well. We looked at each other, and we laughed and shrugged. I asked him, "So... where's the other bathroom?" He responded, "Oh, I see one down there." (The food court was at the top floor).

We started the conversation by asking each other what we were doing in the airport. He told me that he missed a flight to Germany, where he lives, so he had to wait for the next flight, which was at 1:00 AM (At this time, it was only about 11). I told him that I lived in the United States, and I was just here to bring my relatives back home to Korea.

So we went there and we're doing our business when suddenly I remembered the message. Here, I noticed that this was THE opportunity, and I had to seize it while it lasts. No regrets. So I went for it. I told him, "Hey, this might be a pretty random question, but I like to ask this to other people." He said, "Uh alright." Then I asked him, "If you were to die today, where do you think you'll go?"

Bam.

A conversation emerged, even though we were complete strangers. He said, "I have never thought about this before, man." From hereon, I told him the gospel. He seemed quite interested, but he had to go with his family later, who was about to leave the food court. This was the first time that he has ever heard the gospel before. Funnily enough, I found out his name at the end of the conversation. His name is Conner. I pray that he would accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

On a side note... I'm going to miss my relatives. =/

Worshipping God No Matter What..

An interesting thing just happened right now. I was playing my guitar and singing praises to God when all of a sudden, my brother told me to shut up. He said that I was singing too loud, which I probably was. Still, I want to sing and just worship Him, in the quiet of my room. Ironically, I sense that my brother is somewhat even a hindrance to me. It saddens me that the joy of the Lord is not present in my household. Still, I will praise God because of all of the things He had done for me, and I pray that the joy of the Lord would be evident in this household. I have found the light of Christ, and I can't be any gladder than this! =]

Marvelous Light
Charlie Hall

Verse 1:
I once was fatherless, a stranger with no hope
Your kindness wakened me, wakened me from my sleep
Your love it beckons deeply, a call to come and die
By grace now I will come and take this life, take Your life

PreChorus:
Sin has lost it's power, death has losts its sting
From the grave You've risen victoriously

Chorus:
Into marvelous light I'm running
Out of darkness, out of shame, by the cross
You are the truth, You are the life, You are the way

Verse 2:
My dead heart is now beating, my deepest stains now clean
Your breath fills up my lungs, now I'm free, now I'm free

Tag:
Lift my hands and spin around, see the light that I have found
O the marvelous light, marvelous light!

Crucified With Christ

Well my QT today (Wednesday) simply blessed me. I read Galatians 2-3, and came across this verse:

"I have been crucified with Christ;
it is no longer I who live,
but Christ lives in me;
and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Galatians 2:20

A relatively famous verse, it helped me to realize once again that my life is not even mine; it's Christ's. Christ lives in me; I've given the seat of the throne of my heart to the Lord. By being crucified with Christ, I am now a new creation in Christ. Now I must live by faith, and faith alone.

Honestly, it's strange being back here in reality after being at a retreat. However, I know that I must stand fast in the Lord as I live in this world, shine the light of Christ, and live for God. And constantly I am reminded to look to the cross of Jesus Christ, and so I will. Always.

Pretty tired; I'm off to sleep now. One more day of prep left for this week! I can't wait until Sunday... =]

Flee From Sexual Sin

First blog in this website.

I just have to say that I loved today's sermon. Pastor Stephen based today's sermon on 1 Kings 11: 1-3, which was primarily about Solomon's downfall in his life, mainly because of a sin that grasps and chokes the culprit: lust. Personally, I went through this myself, in an extreme way, so I was definitely able to relate this to myself. I notice that what I haven't done for the past couple of years of my life is to flee from this, and that was exactly what Pastor Stephen said to do. I wish that I've known this earlier, but now I know that my struggles in life eventually are for the glory of God, and now I'm on the verge of breaking free for the first time. I said this a lot throughout the past years, but this time I'm very sure of myself that through the grace of God, I will prevail and I will obtain freedom for the first time because of this verse:

Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,
I will come in to him and dine with him,
And he with Me.
To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne,
As I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.

-Revelation 3:20-21 (NKJV)

I will overcome.

I also liked how Pastor Stephen preached on the assurance of the "one" God will provide for us in our lives. I guess sometimes I forget and doubt this promise.

Most importantly, this sermon was so fitting because most of DEM came back from the retreat. I'm sick of spiritual highs and lows; I need my faith to be constant. So in order to do this, Pastor Stephen said to make a commitment to the Lord (generally) and most importantly, look to the cross. And so I will. Passionately.