Revelations Revealed

So the new year 2009 is coming up. I took Pastor Stephen's advice on contemplating on year 2008. Very surprisingly, I found revelations that I never imagined before, and because of them, things are starting to make sense, but at the same time, new questions are popping up.

In general, year 2008 stunk. I even went deeper into 2007 (because I haven't thought about that year deeply enough) and had to say that that year stunk too. There were obviously good and exciting times (college acceptance, retreats, etc), but overall, it really did stink. I mean, I knew that at moments in those years, things were going bad. But little did I realize that it was going bad MOST of the times.

I realized that I didn't really give God credit to anything-- good times or bad. I didn't notice that God was in control in every aspect of my life. So instead, I took my own initiatives. I made my own decisions. Because of them, I think I hurt myself in the process. I lost myself in the world, and in most of the times, I forgot God. I forgot that He was still there with me. I gave Him the kick every time He tried to enter my life; most of the times, I rejected Him.

To be specific, I'll give examples:
1) To be honest, I didn't pray much at all about my college choices. I might've been accepted into Oxford College, but at the moment, I have no idea if Oxford College is where God wants me to go. I don't even know if finance is the major God wants me to pursue in.
2) I actually wanted to go to Oxford College because I wanted a new beginning, away from NYC. Georgia was far away enough from NYC, where I've been living my whole entire life. I've been hurt and suffered enough (in my opinion), so I wanted to move away, from my troubles. I'll visit during vacations, so technically I won't be completely reclusive from home.
3) Another reason why I wanted to go away was because I noticed that I didn't fit in with anyone. I mean, I do have certain friends in school and church and all, but to be honest, sometimes I feel awkward. In church, everyone's younger or older than me. In school, the relationships I have with other believers is at most respectable. I have non-believing friends too, but there's a gap between us, mostly because I'm known as the "religious dude" or whatever. So I thought by starting a new beginning, things might change for me.
4) I didn't pray much for my family, whose been through so much these past two years. Maybe that's why my family is struggling mightily with God. I don't know.
5) I might've experienced true freedom if it wasn't for my struggling walk with God. I'm wrestling with lust, STILL. I hate it, yet my flesh loves it. I don't understand, sometimes.

I'm glad that I went to Discipleship 2, since I really did retreat from my life for a short period of time and got the chance to reflect, contemplate, and get things straight. Now new questions arise. What's God's plan for me? Is Oxford really the college God wants me to attend? Can I be used by God? Man. Things opened up to me, and I'm ready to fix them. Not by myself this time, but with the mighty hand of God.