Death

My relatives came by last Sunday, which was the day when I wasn't able to go to church. We ate, had fun, and overall hung out. Then they left.

The next day, I heard that my grandma (well, she's my mom's cousin's mother) passed away. I didn't even know her much at all. I remember my last visit to a hospital care center in which she resided, and for all that I know, she didn't even recognize me. Her poor and incapacitated memory must have been the cause of that. My mom tried to explain who I was; my grandma understood, but I knew that I was not familiar to her. So although I didn't know her well, since I was part of the family tree, I went to her funeral, which occurred today.

Wearing everything black, I attended the funeral in a remorse yet indifferent manner. The first thing I noticed when I entered the funeral was that the coffin was opened, so I actually saw my grandma. I was utterly shocked, not expecting to see a dead body before my eyes. I asked my brother if that was normal, and he simply said, "I don't know", but I saw that he had the same reaction as I did.

It was a Catholic funeral. Everyone who attended the funeral received a book. I first thought it was a song book, but it was actually a prayer book, filled with prayers that were sung. The Catholic pastor (priest?) came up, and we started to recite and actually chant EVERYTHING in that book. And that book was about 70 pages. My brother and I kept trying to predict at what page would the recitation stop; we should have guessed the end. As this was going on, I noticed how ritualistic all of this was. They were chanting prayers in a monotonous way, which just revealed to me how none of these prayers were coming from the heart. Also, they were praising all of the saints that they could possibly think of, ranging from Mary to Mother Teresa. Inside, I shook my head and simply moved on.

After this, the "priest" spoke a short sermon on God's love. Continuing on with his monotonous voice, he droned on, talking about how my grandma was a good person and how we all should live this life in a simple, and ordinary way, which is to love God. (Sarcastically) Wow; what a sermon. He was convinced that my grandma went to heaven, but I really don't know. She was a Catholic, and I wasn't sure whether she was actually in heaven or not.

At the end of the funeral, we all had to come up and just give our respects to her. People went up to the coffin, prayed short prayers, and patted her. I didn't want to do that; I was still confused about what previously happened in the funeral. As the line grew shorter and my turn came faster, God gave me a vague revelation. Life is short. Although my grandma may have lived 94 years, eternity is way longer. So as I was still confused of whether she went to heaven or not, my family went up, and gave our respects. I looked at the body that was right before me, and shuddered. The way my grandma passed away was peaceful, but death itself is certainly not. I simply prayed, "Let Your will be done", and gave hugs and shook hands with my uncle, aunt, and my cousins.

This was my first funeral. I can see that God is trying to implant eternity in my heart.

Interesting

Oh man.
Lots of things happened this week that I just want to write about.

Well first off, Seekers had "See You at the Pole" last Wednesday. I was hardly ready for it; I simply knew that it was coming, and I didn't really prepare for it. However, on the day before this event, Will (President #1 of Seekers)told me that I was going to lead a sector of prayer, which was suffering. Interestingly, I read 1 Peter 1 as my daily devotion, which was all about dealing with suffering in our lives (this chapter was used in our latest retreat, remember?). So I was pumped for the upcoming day.
"See You at the Pole" came. And it went. I didn't even have much time to do my part of the prayer; I was pretty much rushed. And overall, prayer was taken lightly by everyone who came. There weren't even many people there. I prayed that God would move in our hearts to pray as His people, but even I was not able to, mainly because I was extremely tired. I was disappointed at the outcome of the event, and even myself. Something held me back to pray.

Sigh.

College stuff.
SATs.
W/e. I can't take these things too seriously, because I know eternity waits. I pray that eternity would weigh a heavier burden than all of these things in the world.

See You at the Pole!

It's tomorrow!
Gather up, Christians, for we believe in the power of prayer amen?
Let's just lift everything and anything we can to God, most importantly God Himself!

War

I am currently losing a war against Satan. I just noticed that I was at war with Satan the whole time...
Must stand... fight... win...
To do so, I got to stay focused on Jesus Christ. I think I might have forgotten the greatness and holiness of Him, and His sacrifice for me.
Must come to the cross... humbly and with a heart that has repented...
How to overcome the flesh? Just how? It's hard.. really hard..
It's not like God is going to deliver me in a flash; I got to put some effort, a real, vehement effort.
I can do this.